Retreads: Men are from Mars...

[o_someoldguy]

An oldie, but still funny imho...
=========================================

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As
homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and
so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each
time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be
written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has
been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a
bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his
seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read
in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the
days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read,
no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA???
Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too
many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch.

(Rebecca)

F&*%K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[o_jaunty]

Man, I actually laughed out loud at this. That was good.

[o_ivaqual]

lmao. so funny that wether this is true or not is irrelevant.

[mervaka]

brilliant :D

[o_soulcutter]

Rofl.

[o_cruor]

*falls of chair* Rofl classic

[o_binarylife]

I read this a while ago, but I love it so much.

[o_sobe green]

I laughed out loud. Everyone around me laughs now. Go me!

[o_broodingdude]

Truth!

...

Ah ha. I did snicker a little.

[o_otiz]

Yep, a definite loller!

[o_storm]

I liked it a lot

[o_uber]

An old urban legend.

[Circuitous]

Have you been perusing spikedhumor.com's joke section, too? This is the second you've posted that I saw there.

[o_someoldguy]

Originally Posted by Circuitous

Have you been perusing spikedhumor.com's joke section, too? This is the second you've posted that I saw there.

No. I belong (and have belonged for some 15 or so years) to several email listservers for a specific database/language technical professional group. One of the listservers I subscribe to is a jokes/humo(u)r forum... and some of which I post is from that list. I won't testify as to veracity or reality... only that what I share is what I find interesting or funny. Many of these jokes have been circulated around the i-net for eons, and just get re-packaged every few years. This was one of them. I typically don't name the sources unless it's known to me, since the nature of jokes that are passed via emails are in general without original source.

So the simple answer is no, I don't peruse other places to get jokes... but then again I don't know if the ones who send it to me do or not.

[o_salty milkshake]

do you write disclaimers for a living?

[Circuitous]

Fair enough, I was just curious.

Just noticed a few jokes being posted that were all neatly grouped on that site and wanted to check.