(Llama) The Official "Ask-An-Asshole" thread.

Iggy · 07-26-2009, 03:51 AM

Our friend Paft had a situation where he requested advice, and I think I gave some pretty good advice. So, to that end... this is the official thread where you can ask for my advice.

Just because I give said advice, doesn't mean you have to(or even should) follow it.... it's just a place where it's offered up.

I take no responsibility for any actions you yourself take, regardless if I told you to or not.
(that's called a disclaimer)

reaper18 · 07-27-2009, 12:14 PM

OPRAH

Iggy · 07-27-2009, 09:46 PM

Not even close.

Lost · 07-27-2009, 10:40 PM

I think the problem is that we're all assholes, so we can simply ask ourselves questions in the third person and get a true to asshole answer.

Mooga · 07-27-2009, 10:55 PM

One of the teens in the program I am working for has a massive crush on me. She is 16. I'm 22. WHAT SHOULD I DO, ASSHOLE!?

teh_rape · 07-27-2009, 11:04 PM

That's an easy one; tell her to wait till she's legal, then talk to you.

**Ricey** · 07-27-2009, 11:21 PM

Sir Iggy the Asshole, I am in lab sitting next to a chick and I have very very bad gas, and as we all know jew farts are fucking deadly. Should I fart or not!

ps. she's azn

Iggy · 07-27-2009, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mooga

One of the teens in the program I am working for has a massive crush on me. She is 16. I'm 22. WHAT SHOULD I DO, ASSHOLE!?

Tell her you only do Anal, and she has to say "Thank you, Superman!!" when you jizz on her face. Also, she has to sing a montage of Harry Belefonte songs while you fuck her.
(I'm assuming it's a she... if it's not, I'll need to adjust the advice.)

Iggy · 07-27-2009, 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ricey

Sir Iggy the Asshole, I am in lab sitting next to a chick and I have very very bad gas, and as we all know jew farts are fucking deadly. Should I fart or not!

ps. she's azn

Go ahead and blast it. Asians are used to killer gas.... Remember what happened in Vietnam? If she complains, punch her in the face and tell her you'll sell her to an unwashed Chinaman if she keeps bitching.

[AE] 82694 · 07-28-2009, 12:06 AM

How would you shut up an yellow asshole besides sticking your dick in his mouth?

Iggy · 07-28-2009, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [AE] 82694

How would you shut up an yellow asshole besides sticking your dick in his mouth?

If I were an uncoloured mod, I'd just ban myself to avoid the mouthy fucker.

KubeDawg · 07-28-2009, 04:21 PM

I think I have chicken pox on my genitals, but I could've sworn I had chicken pox when I was a kid. Any idea how long they last and is there any way to prevent the burning/itching sensation?

[AE] 82694 · 07-28-2009, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KubeDawg

I think I have chicken pox on my genitals, but I could've sworn I had chicken pox when I was a kid. Any idea how long they last and is there any way to prevent the burning/itching sensation?

The only Known cure is to stick to a Llama in the Ass 5 times. This is because they are so leet their sheer essence emits from their asshole.

MonoXideAtWork · 07-28-2009, 10:07 PM

Dear asshole, Recently my computer has begun to overheat while playing FF. What should I do?

-Hot and Bothered.

**squeek.** · 07-28-2009, 10:08 PM

Why can't we all just get along?

Iggy · 07-29-2009, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoXideAtWork

Dear asshole, Recently my computer has begun to overheat while playing FF. What should I do?

-Hot and Bothered.

Dear Hot and Bothered,

Open the side panel and jam it full of freeze-pops(frozen, of course). This solution should cost you ~$2.50 and the time it takes to freeze them. Use about half of the bag per usage... and replace them with the other half from your freezer when they finish melting. Needless to say, put the newly melted ones back in the freezer for the next usage.

On a side note; you can sneak one here and there if you get hungry.

Iggy · 07-29-2009, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeek.

Why can't we all just get along?

Because people are just too fucked up.

[AE] 82694 · 08-01-2009, 11:55 PM

Hey Asshole ....... A Spinxter says what?

noeffeks · 08-02-2009, 02:01 AM

Hey, asshole, I think I knocked up every single woman in your life who is close to you... should I A) push them down the stairs B) Kick them in the stomach C) Kill them

or.......

D) Let them have the kids, skip out on child support, and reappear when they turn 18, apologize extensively for never being there. Obviously they will be so overwhelmed with emotion they will let me back in their lives. I will become close to them and be a real father for exactly one year... and leave them again to never come back on their 19th birthday. I plan on timing it so right when they open their present from me, they find nothing in it but the broken condom that I saved, and me gone forever.

Iggy · 08-02-2009, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by [AE] 82694

Hey Asshole ....... A Spinxter says what?

A dictionary says it's time to buy a spellchecker.

07-27-2009, 12:14 PM	#2
reaper18 sKeeD D&A Member Beta Tester Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Class/Position: Scout, Demo, Solly Gametype: Any Posts Rated Helpful 21 Times	OPRAH Last edited by reaper18; 07-27-2009 at 12:15 PM.

07-27-2009, 10:40 PM	#4
Lost Fear teh crowbar. Retired FF Staff Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Oklahoma Gametype: CTF ftw, yeh Posts Rated Helpful 6 Times	I think the problem is that we're all assholes, so we can simply ask ourselves questions in the third person and get a true to asshole answer. __________________ Do what you want cuz a pirate is free! You are a pirate!

07-27-2009, 10:55 PM	#5
Mooga Colorless FTW D&A Member Beta Tester Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: A Small Box Affiliations: SRCDS.com Posts Rated Helpful 1 Times	One of the teens in the program I am working for has a massive crush on me. She is 16. I'm 22. WHAT SHOULD I DO, ASSHOLE!? __________________ ~ Mooga ...w00t? SRCDS.com \| Twitter

07-27-2009, 11:21 PM	#7
Ricey UI Designer Front-End Developer Fortress Forever Staff Join Date: May 2008 Location: Winter Park, FL Class/Position: D Eng Gametype: CTF 9v9 Affiliations: .gr , smr Posts Rated Helpful 46 Times	Sir Iggy the Asshole, I am in lab sitting next to a chick and I have very very bad gas, and as we all know jew farts are fucking deadly. Should I fart or not! ps. she's azn __________________ Support FF: Maps : Haste \|Scrummage \|Mulch_Trench Voltage \| Exchange Classic \| Fortsake ricecakes: I demand SGs get a buff squeek.: buy it a gym membership 'I have an eye for design' - Kube 2014

07-28-2009, 12:06 AM	#10
[AE] 82694 Retired FF Staff Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts Rated Helpful 0 Times	How would you shut up an yellow asshole besides sticking your dick in his mouth? __________________ I Love GenghisTron . I miss you sooooo Much. LOL.

07-27-2009, 11:04 PM	#6
teh_rape Supa-leet-cap-a-cop Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts Rated Helpful 0 Times	That's an easy one; tell her to wait till she's legal, then talk to you.

07-28-2009, 04:21 PM	#12
KubeDawg Nade Whore Server Owner Beta Tester Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oklahoma Class/Position: Scout/Soldier Gametype: CTF/TDM Affiliations: blunt. Moto Posts Rated Helpful 128 Times	I think I have chicken pox on my genitals, but I could've sworn I had chicken pox when I was a kid. Any idea how long they last and is there any way to prevent the burning/itching sensation? __________________ Moto's Funhouse \| Dallas, TX - 74.91.114.247:27015 ff_plunder - Complete

07-28-2009, 10:07 PM	#14
MonoXideAtWork Pub Allstar! Beta Tester Join Date: Aug 2008 Class/Position: under en kvinna Gametype: Capture the Flag Affiliations: Eternal Order, Must be h4x, Mono's happy funtime. Posts Rated Helpful 0 Times	Dear asshole, Recently my computer has begun to overheat while playing FF. What should I do? -Hot and Bothered.

07-28-2009, 10:08 PM	#15
squeek. Stuff Do-er Lua Team Wiki Team Fortress Forever Staff Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Northern California Class/Position: Rallygun Shooter Gametype: Conc tag (you just wait) Affiliations: Mustache Brigade Posts Rated Helpful 352 Times	Why can't we all just get along? __________________ #FF.Pickup ¤ Fortress-Forever pickups My Non-official Maps Released FF_DM_Squeek - FF_2Mesa3_Classic - FF_Siege_Classic Beta FF_Myth - FF_Redlight_Greenlight Sick of the people on the internet, always moanin'. They just moan. - Karl Pilkington

08-01-2009, 11:55 PM	#18
[AE] 82694 Retired FF Staff Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts Rated Helpful 0 Times	Hey Asshole ....... A Spinxter says what? __________________ I Love GenghisTron . I miss you sooooo Much. LOL.

08-02-2009, 02:01 AM	#19
noeffeks Waiting for Warpath Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: US Virgin Islands Gametype: CTF Posts Rated Helpful 2 Times	Hey, asshole, I think I knocked up every single woman in your life who is close to you... should I A) push them down the stairs B) Kick them in the stomach C) Kill them or....... D) Let them have the kids, skip out on child support, and reappear when they turn 18, apologize extensively for never being there. Obviously they will be so overwhelmed with emotion they will let me back in their lives. I will become close to them and be a real father for exactly one year... and leave them again to never come back on their 19th birthday. I plan on timing it so right when they open their present from me, they find nothing in it but the broken condom that I saved, and me gone forever.

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