Character and integrity lead a person to success, but with good appearance.

[battery]

My 16-year-old nephew is getting a little obese lately. Compounded with his unkempt appearance and poor choice of clothing, he isn't make the best presentation of himself. As his uncle I take personal interests to correct the problem before it becomes too difficult.

Edgar is rather precocious at age 16. He knows how to sweet-talk people. I must admit I enjoy being flattered by Edgar. He pays close attention to current events, forms careful opinions about religions, and makes fun of the world's follies. I really see myself being his friend more than a mentor. Without a doubt, he will grow up to be a guy with good self-esteem.

I would like to offer to him good advice to success in life. Of course, I am not in the position to "instruct" him what to do. I must convince him.


Where do I start? The first and most crucial step is to make him realize good physical appearance is a requirement, not an option. Why? How? In my limited experience in life, I have come to believe that character, self-confidence and integrity are the major ingredient to success in career, friendship, romantic relationships and family relationships. Without these virtues, most (but not all) people will be stuck in the long-run in their journeys of life. Developing character takes work. In fact, it may just be the most challenging and rewarding aspect of life. this is why I admire people who hold strong beliefs and are certain about themselves.

On the other hand, we depend on other people to achieve objectives. For example, one must establish a network of friends to meet more people from different backgrounds. To move forward in career, one must actively seek out professional relationship with a good number of people. In short, opportunities lies in constantly meeting new people.

This is where appearance plays an important role. People get judged by their person appearance before they are given the chance to demonstrate their knowledge, wisdom, and kindness. They are "weeded out" by the "appearance quick visual test" before any establishment of mental or spiritual connections. Don't believe it? Walk into a job interview with scratched shoes and let me know the outcome. Try hitting up on good-looking girls with a skinny or obese physique and tell me about it (okay okay, there is an alternative...you can dress stylishly to make up for the other shortcomings.) I don't care how smoothly you talk. You will be shut down before you open your mouth. Your success rate will be quite close to zero. Either that or you will likely end up with crappy job or crappy girlfriends. NOW, there are certainly exceptions to the trend. I know about it, and I have friends who are exceptions. But, few people will disagree that in general this is the case.


So my take, and my advice to my nephew is this:
Spend some time to get personal appearance up to par. Think of personal appearance as a "tool" or "asset" to get pass the disqualification test known as "first impressions". Don't get too obsessed, or worst, build self-esteem upon one's own appearance. But do enough so that one can open up a conversion with almost anyone. (Rather than being turned away for just looking unworthy). Remember, there are many many vain idiots who only judge a person by his body, and the contents of a book by its cover. Sad, but that is just life. You appeal to them ONLY because their rich daddy hold the key to your success.

Don't let you appearance limit your full potential

Please tell me how you think.
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Www.fuck.com

[Crazycarl]

I, uh, agree?

[stray kitten]

When I was 16 I looked like a cross between AC/DC and Motley Crue. It's what you do when your 16. As for the fat bit... run his ass.

[Innoc]

Originally Posted by battery

Please tell me how you think.

I think the huge disconnect between cause and effect for teens may very diminish your advice to little more than background noise. I think that those teens who "get" what you're saying didn't need you to tell them. They already knew. Those that don't are not likely to be helped and it's going to take some real failures which they can connect to the concept you're describing in order to learn that lesson.

[Bridget]

You point out that society will judge an individual based on their appearance before making a sound decision after experiencing their personality. You are admitting here that society is at fault for being quick to judge individuals, and instead of criticizing society for being a shallow bitch, you then decide to imply that your nephew is at fault for not conforming to society's terrible standards. How about we devalue society and their stupid perspective of what makes a person instead of appealing to it and perpetuating it?

[GenghisTron]

Originally Posted by Bridget

You point out that society will judge an individual based on their appearance before making a sound decision after experiencing their personality. You are admitting here that society is at fault for being quick to judge individuals, and instead of criticizing society for being a shallow bitch, you then decide to imply that your nephew is at fault for not conforming to society's terrible standards. How about we devalue society and their stupid perspective of what makes a person instead of appealing to it and perpetuating it?

This.

Vanity is not virtuous. Vanity is superficiality.

[Crazycarl]

Battery's aim is to help his nephew succeed in life. He believes appearance is important to that. Blaming society does no good here.

I would say that if he seems to be happy with his appearance, let it go, but voice your opinions on the matter when the opportunity arises. If you find he is having trouble with losing weight, or finding a job or girlfriend, then you can volunteer your help. Telling somebody they are too heavy or don't dress well will make them feel defensive, so it's easier to help hime when he already wants to change.

[Bridget]

Success is not always contingent upon physical appearance. Yes, physical appearance does help someone achieve success, but I don't think it should work that way. Even in situations where one would expect there to be a standard such as modeling or acting or the like, I still think it's stupid to just blindly accept society's standards of beauty and ugliness. Instead of, as I said, appealing to it and perpetuating, we can just devalue it. One way to succeed at life is by not restricting yourself to the standards every other lamer has and to think for yourself and be yourself.

[Scuzzy]

A kept appearance by business standards expresses stability, responsibility, a team playing attitude, an ability to understand socially acceptable norms, and the ability to trust an individual to make predictable decisions and actions. If you can be those things and show creativity within your work you'll be considered extremely valuable. You don't get paid to "damn the man", you get paid to show you can help a company move forward. The standard of success is different for everyone, for some it's "devaluing societies view on good appearance", for others it is "paying for a house, providing for their wife, and getting their kids a quality education." Neither goal is better then the other.... but far more people get paid by wearing a button down shirt than a beer stained t-shirt.

I am myself, but I don't need to wear it on my sleeve every moment of every day. I love the fact that I only have to play the part a few hours a day for thousands of dollars... because who I really am only matters to myself, my friends, and my family. I'm quite a different person outside the office then in, and it's great.



Scuzzy

[GenghisTron]

False dichotomy, woah.

[Scuzzy]

Originally Posted by GenghisTron

False dichotomy, woah.

?

[GenghisTron]

You're purveying a false dichotomy by saying that you can either dress well (and be successful) or dress like a slob (and not be successful). That's a false dichotomy. It's possible to be successful and dress casually, much in the same way that you can dress nicely and go nowhere (Car salesmen).

I personally support merit. I think people should be judged based on their merit, and not pedigree. Pedigree is nothing short of vanity. No one is trying to 'damn the man', we're just saying that individuals should be free to be individuals, and shouldn't have to be punished for it. This is individualism. Saying that you must live up to societies standards and accept and covet what is deemed 'acceptable' according to society is collectivism.

[battery]

I am formulating an advice to my nephew based on the assumption that he wants to build a diverse acquaintance and friends. For this purpose, maintaining a "socially acceptable" appearance will likely yield more success than the "unique and deviant look" approach.

Like Crazycarl and Innoc pointed out, there are important consideration when giving someone advice. I can suggest to him directly that his social life will be easier with good appearance, but I can make it much more convincing if I can help him come to that the conclusion himself. Every man values his own ideas more than they are worth.
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FUCK TUBE . COM

[battery]

Originally Posted by Scuzzy

I am myself, but I don't need to wear it on my sleeve every moment of every day. I love the fact that I only have to play the part a few hours a day for thousands of dollars... because who I really am only matters to myself, my friends, and my family. I'm quite a different person outside the office then in, and it's great.
Scuzzy

Hehe, not only I dress difference while I am at work, I talk differently, I treat people differently, and I see myself differently at work. I feel comfortable being myself and expressing my natural personality to friends and family. But wouldn't it be boring to stick to that personality all the times? How about trying out new personalities? Works comes to rescue here. I can experiment on people that I care less about, so that when things backfire I don't ruin relationships that matter dearly to me. It encourages risk-taking and, possibly, self-discovery.

You can tell I believe no one has a fixed personality, but only a personality that he feels most comfortable/skilled/confident with.
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EXTREME VAPORIZER REVIEW

[Scuzzy]

Originally Posted by GenghisTron

You're purveying a false dichotomy by saying that you can either dress well (and be successful) or dress like a slob (and not be successful). That's a false dichotomy. It's possible to be successful and dress casually, much in the same way that you can dress nicely and go nowhere (Car salesmen).

I didn't say that, in fact I said the exact opposite. "The standard of success is different for everyone"

Originally Posted by GenghisTron

I personally support merit. I think people should be judged based on their merit, and not pedigree. Pedigree is nothing short of vanity. No one is trying to 'damn the man', we're just saying that individuals should be free to be individuals, and shouldn't have to be punished for it. This is individualism. Saying that you must live up to societies standards and accept and covet what is deemed 'acceptable' according to society is collectivism.

Punished? Exactly how do you see that as punishment? If a guy can't hang on to their own sense of individuality while wearing a uniform, be it a burger-barn, a policeman, or a corporate executive then that is their problem, not the companies. That would have to be the most self-absorbed and centered person I'd ever met who couldn't separate themselves from the clothes they wore.

They've choosen not to be what the company is looking for in an employee, they're inflexible and unable to adapt to large scale social situations, which is fine... but them not hiring a slob isn't punishement, the slob choose to dress like a slob. I also did not say someone "must", "accept" or "covet" anything... I merely stated the truth, that by far people in button down shirts get paid more then people who refuse to wear anything but beer stained t-shirts. Do you disagree? That isn't punishment, as you said, it's individualism and a choice.

How exactly do you feel it's inappropriate for someone looking for a well organized self motivated individual to consider how well the candidate keeps their appearance? Seems right on the money to me. If the guy can't be bothered to dress neatly that goes straight to merit and work ethic. If he doesn't care about his appearance, why should I believe he'll give a damn about coding properly, showing up on time, how the screens will look to the customer, etc?

Scuzzy

[Iggy]

Is this a matter of just clothes, or does hairstyle, facial hair, nail polish, tattoos, piercings, etc... factor in to this particular situation?

Clothes do not make the man. You can dress a thief up like a "gentleman", but that doesn't change the fact that he's a thief.

My advice is to be yourself. Yes, you can "dress up" for a job, but never allow an employer to dictate your lifestyle.

[Scuzzy]

Originally Posted by Iggy

Is this a matter of just clothes, or does hairstyle, facial hair, nail polish, tattoos, piercings, etc... factor in to this particular situation?

Clothes do not make the man. You can dress a thief up like a "gentleman", but that doesn't change the fact that he's a thief.

Exactly, but it's the inverse that they are fighting against, which is just silly.

Originally Posted by Iggy

My advice is to be yourself. Yes, you can "dress up" for a job, but never allow an employer to dictate your lifestyle.

Perfect advice.

[battery]

Originally Posted by Bridget

You point out that society will judge an individual based on their appearance before making a sound decision after experiencing their personality. You are admitting here that society is at fault for being quick to judge individuals

I don't think I went as far as saying society is at fault for being quick to judge individuals by appearance. For argument's sake, permit me to make up some statistics here:

Without any other information regarding the person, an extremely obese guy in his 30's is:

80% chance: a lazy bum who has neglected health and career.

15% chance: a person with good self-respect but carrying "fat genes".

5% chance: genius, high achievers who just honestly don't give a damn about their figures.


Say I encounter 15 strangers each day, and need to concentrate my time and effort to 1) open up conversation, 2) build rapport, 3) express myself, 4) learn more about the stranger's character and make potential friend. Do I have the energy to do 15 a day? No! I need a quick way to pick people I can show respect to. I need a screening methodology. The most equitable and defensible way is statistics. If I follow maximum likelihood, I will be able to make more worthy friends! And, the test is quick enough for the purpose of screening.

No, this does not sound like the thought process of any real person. But if someone were to adopt it, can you bring an effective counter-argument? How is a quick judgment wrong if the risks has been quantified and considered? Should ethics impose a requirement that one must strive to judge a stranger with 100% accuracy?

Originally Posted by Bridget

and instead of criticizing society for being a shallow bitch, you then decide to imply that your nephew is at fault for not conforming to society's terrible standards. How about we devalue society and their stupid perspective of what makes a person instead of appealing to it and perpetuating it?

Are you saying one should challenge a fast-moving train by standing directly in front of it? Have you evaluated the rate of success and the potential downside of this strategy?
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CREAMPIE PORN

[Bridget]

If you don't have the time to consider the personalities of people, then you should reserve judgment on them. This idea that judging individuals you come across off trivialities and cliches and misconceptions will instantly filter through to the good individuals is a delusion. Just as much as you are likely to come across great people using this method of profiling, there's a chance of completely neglecting otherwise great people. Therefore, the only conclusive way to determine a man's character and personality is by experience.

Sure, you might waste your dealing with tons of assholes, but at-least you know for certain they weren't a potentially great person you could have neglected based off this shitty standard of judgment you take from society. Plus, it's even more rewarding when you do come across someone good, as you can comparatively say they are good people instead of simply by default. There's the counter argument. Your method of quick evaluation is just as likely to dismiss great people as it is to dismiss terrible people. The only way to tell who is good or bad or ultimately worth your time is to dedicate your time.

[Scuzzy]

Originally Posted by Bridget

If you don't have the time to consider the personalities of people, then you should reserve judgment on them. This idea that judging individuals you come across off trivialities and cliches and misconceptions will instantly filter through to the good individuals is a delusion. Just as much as you are likely to come across great people using this method of profiling, there's a chance of completely neglecting otherwise great people. Therefore, the only conclusive way to determine a man's character and personality is by experience.

Sure, you might waste your dealing with tons of assholes, but at-least you know for certain they weren't a potentially great person you could have neglected based off this shitty standard of judgment you take from society. Plus, it's even more rewarding when you do come across someone good, as you can comparatively say they are good people instead of simply by default. There's the counter argument. Your method of quick evaluation is just as likely to dismiss great people as it is to dismiss terrible people. The only way to tell who is good or bad or ultimately worth your time is to dedicate your time.

I'd have to say I disagree again, moreover because you didn't listen to the point. We are absolutely not saying that ever well dressed individual is a "good" guy or better employee. What we are saying is that a well dressed individual understands corporate protocal and culture, which is essential in most companies. Appearance is a direct reflection of that person's understanding of the environment. If you require by your own standards to not shower, wear food stained clothes, then it doesn't matter how great you are at negociation. A client isn't going to take you seriously and a company isn't going to try and explain, "Hey, this is Bob. Bob is dressed sloppily, but he's a really great guy on the inside. We'd like you to trust us to meet your product standards and ask that you get to know Bob for who he is on the inside, rather then his unkept and slightly stinky appearance." You are right on one thing, your method would waste a lot of time, and time is money. Finding the best guy that understands the environment is far more valueable then finding a great guy who can't shower.

You're in a dream world Bridget, wake up, grow up. I guarrentee that you will conform, there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, you personally will change your appearance to be more appealling to an employeer, and I'm willing to bet you already have. Tell us, what jobs have you held?

Scuzzy