The unoffical guide to the players you'll meet in TF games

[Hirohito]

Many newbies are unfamiliar with the types of players there are in Team Fortress games. This quick guide will help them get up to speed! Spread it around ot every TF board you know; every little bit helps!

The Commander

This guy is the brains behind the operation. You must obey everything he says, no matter how inane, dumb, or worthless it is, or he will yell at you over the mic! That is not good! Some of his revolutionary orders include:

"ffs move the sentry"
"dont put a sg there nub"
"spy give us some recon now"

Unfortunately, the Commander has a difficult time keeping up morale. Whenever something goes wrong, he will yell at everybody over the mic, because it's their fault for not understanding the orders he was thinking of! At this point he will stop issuing commands and will start pointing out all of the discrepancies in your team, expecting them to mend their ways. This usually results in nothing being changed and him becoming more pissed off.

When he's in that mood, it's a good time to troll him, just to see how low he'll go. You're probably going to lose anyways; why not have a bit of fun while you're at it? Some ideas include:

Keeping your mic button down and seeing if your voicebox will cause him to tell you to "shut up", even though you haven't said anything.
Shoot the sky right in front of him.
Switch to a worthless class, like the Pyro.
Have a crowbar fight with another teammate.
Rocketjump yourself to death.
As a Spy, disguise yourself as an enemy as soon as you spawn and run right by him.

The e-Sportsman

This dweeb thinks he can make a living off playing video games. He will treat every match like a clan match, and will get very pissy if someone has the audacity to break a gentleman's rule, such as offense attacking offense. In his mind, every goddamn match he's in is preparation for the big leagues. Unfortunately, he will never be anybody just by playing videogames 24/7, and nobody will ever respect him for doing that either. In fact, they'll think he's a complete loser, which he is.

His mindset's kinda like a 30-year-old man playing in a minor league baseball game, beating the shit out of the opposing team, and thinking he's ready for the MLB because he won.

Off the game, he will post on forums, claiming that whatever TF game he's playing is like playing chess and that THE DEVS BETTER NOT CHANGE ANYTHING NOR THEY SHOULDN'T MAKE THE GAME NEWB-FRIENDLY, YOU HEAR ME? THAT'S STABBING COMPETITIVE PLAY IN THE BACK MISTER ROBIN WALKER/AFTERSHOK. He usually does this on TF forums, but occasionally one might leak onto your average gaming forum. Ignore him if you see him. He's so self-deluded that trying to reason with him will not work at all.

The Baby

At first, this guys looks and plays like your average player, but the catch is that he's a complete pussy! Whenever his health or armor dip below 80%, he'll run all the way back to respawn and heal up, siphoning the medikits and armour from people that really need it! What a team player! Thankfully, he hasn't figured out how to make a text bind that displays his health and armour, or he'd be flooding your damn chat with "Need Medic/Engineer! 90/276" 24/7.

Captain Clueless

Captain Clueless is a special type of moron; he doesn't know what game he's playing! Usually he'll deathmatch in the middle of the yard, but more advanced ones will perform amazing stunts such as play defense in the Blue Team in Dustbowl, only attack the bodyguards in Hunted and charge HWGuys as Scouts. A lot of these types are frequent Counter-Strike players, so occasionally they might slow down/stop when shooting. This is a big sign showing that the guy near you is Captain Clueless!

The Snypa

He is THE king of sniping! He's so good he doesn't have to follow orders! Instead, he feels that his skills must be used only on enemy snipers, so he'll spend the whole damn game having a standoff with an enemy sniper. Enemy HWGuy at a visible chokepoint? Kill that SOB of a sniper right across from you! Visible sentry gun? Make sure that damn enemy sniper pays for playing as the same class as you! Be careful; this guy says he'll take out non-snipers, but he lies.

Sentry Dad

This guy believes that his sentry is a unique snowflake, and if it's destroyed, all is lost! He will spend every living moment tending to his baby, and you can't stop him, no matter how much you yell at him in chat! He thinks things like dispensers and teleporters are no match to his mighty sentry gun! I mean, if the developers actually wanted you to use that other stuff, they should've never put the sentry gun in the first place, right?

The Master Spy

Here comes the Master Spy! With his abilities like disguising as an enemy as soon as he spawns, cloaking right in front of an enemy, trying to backstab every damn person on the enemy team, charging enemies with the Tranq Gun and dedicating all of his time to sabotaging/sapping a sentry that's right next to an Engineer, he's gonna make the enemy's base pure hell! Don't bother asking him for info about the enemy's base (such as SG placements); he's too busy spreading CHAOS! It's a very stressful job, and he does not like to be bothered!

There you have it; a basic guide to the types of players you'll meet in a TF game!

[Da Spadger]

Originally Posted by Hirohito

Sentry Dad

Yeah, that's pretty much me whenever I play engineer.

[Hawk Eye]

The REAL question becomes: Which one are YOU?

[Focksbot]

You forgot a few. There's the guy that just enjoys the game, is more social, and tends to lighten up the server. That's usually me, unless someone gets pissed off because they don't know how I'm piping their base and hiding in Crossover.

But even then they're like "YOU CONC SUCKING SQUIRREL TAPPING ASSHOE"......"Hahahah....".

[Circuitous]

I'm in a class all my own.

[EquilibriuM]

hmm i guess im more or less the commander type i like yelling in the mic when i get frustrated and i play like crap. or simply get my butt whooped lol, some ppl im sure hate me b/c of it, but hey im not that bad of a guy i hope

[Handym]

Definetly the e-Sportsman..
1) I have no life,
2) I tend to get pissed at people who dont obey the golden rule of not backtracking your enemies.
3) I browse the forums for changes a lot.

[[AE] 5316 *TKZ*]

Im in the 'shoot every freaking thing that moves' class.

OvsO ftw

[Adamido]

Im that spy guy.

[Vicious]

Originally Posted by Hirohito

Enemy HWGuy at a visible chokepoint? Kill that SOB of a sniper right across from you! Visible sentry gun? Make sure that damn enemy sniper pays for playing as the same class as you!

I lol'd

[Dr.Satan]

This should be on the wiki!

[Nuk3m]

Originally Posted by Soulja

hmm i guess im more or less the commander type i like yelling in the mic when i get frustrated and i play like crap. or simply get my butt whooped lol, some ppl im sure hate me b/c of it, but hey im not that bad of a guy i hope

Oh we know... we know

[Credge]

Originally Posted by Hirohito

Captain Clueless

Captain Clueless is a special type of moron; he doesn't know what game he's playing! Usually he'll deathmatch in the middle of the yard, but more advanced ones will perform amazing stunts such as play defense in the Blue Team in Dustbowl, only attack the bodyguards in Hunted and charge HWGuys as Scouts. A lot of these types are frequent Counter-Strike players, so occasionally they might slow down/stop when shooting. This is a big sign showing that the guy near you is Captain Clueless!

This is unfair as it describes 90% of TF players.

[myersjr]

guess im the quiet conc monkey type..lol

[RocKwell]

Originally Posted by Focksbot

You forgot a few. There's the guy that just enjoys the game, is more social, and tends to lighten up the server.

Those kind of players don't exist.

[Circuitous]

I don't?

[Anshinritsumai]

Needs moar medic.

[cunnelatio]

Guy who works way too hard on "funny" forum posts:

[ViLE]

ROFL

that was awesome and amazing

[Arvingorn]

I'm a "Snypa" who will try to kill ANY enemies.