A Christmas Story thread.

Credge · 12-27-2009, 06:47 AM

Excuse typos. I'm using an 'ergonomic' keyboard that has the letters all wrapped around like a U but more like this ( but like a U. Also, this is a new computer (part of the story) so there's no spell check on it.

Alright, so. I drove through the blizzard. Well, I didn't, my dad did. I shat myself throughout the entire trip and lost 15 years off of my life from stress. We started in Virginia and headed to Arkansas. We left at noon on Christmas Eve. We drove from Virginia to Arkansas before we hit anything slick. We also planned on going through Tulsa. Find a map and look for road names to get an idea.

So, we were driving. Suddenly: Ice. We knew conditions were going to be bad, however, forecasters predicted (I use the term lightly) that the southern routes would be clear, as would Tulsa. So, we headed that way instead of the north way. Well, at some point in Arkansas, it got icy.

We slowed down to a crawl, mainly because we didn't want to die. As we drove, semi's with awesome traction went racing by. Also, a few dumb drivers who think 4WD will help them with ice. Eventually, a truck pulling a trailer went racing by at about 60. He passed us. As he changed lanes about 10 feet in front of us, he started to go all WARGHAABLE, slipping and sliding. With a trailer.

He lost control and slid to the side of the road, taking out a mile marker. We slowed down (note: never hit your fucking brakes on ice you idiots) and stopped. We waited and he eventually got out of the shit. He drove on, and so did we.

As we continued down some more, we went over a hill and saw headlights facing us in the distance. We eventually made it to them and saw it was the same driver, same situation. He got out of his truck. By this time we had seen various vehicles off the road in ditches. Nobody was hurt.

At some point, before we decided to change highways, we stopped at a rest stop. We slept for a bit and decided to continue on. We wanted to make it to another highway.

Note: Arkansas sucks dick and if you live there, I suggest you fucking do something about your state and local governments and their shitty handling of snow and ice conditions. Both Missouri and Kansas had incredibly good roads considering the conditions. Arkansas was just a fucking shit.

We went to another rest top and watched a movie (Blazing Saddles) on our brand new DVD movie apparatus. By this time the sun started to come up and the snow/sand machines were out. It was Christmas. To give you an idea of time, we should have been in Wichita, Kansas by then. We were in Arkansas around Ft. Smith.

After the movie was over, we decided to continue on. Road conditions were decent!... for about 3 minutes. Then, the ice hit again. As we took a turn, a semi was off the road with a tow truck trying to pull it out... or something, I dunno.

Eventually we made it to a place were we could get off of I-40. We got on (I think) 71 and went north. Roads still shitty in Arkansas. We continued to Missouri. So, want to know why Arkansas is a shitty fucking shit?

The moment we crossed the Arkansas/Missouri border, the roads were 100% perfect. Hey, fuck you Arkansas. Like a god damned fucking sign that says "Welcome to Missouri" and then the fucking icy roads ending INSTANTLY in a straight line along with the sign aren't a signal of shitty usage of state and local funds, I don't know what is. Fuck. You. Arkansas.

Oh, also, the reason we changed plans (we were going to go through Tulsa) is because we found out all the major toll roads in Oklahoma were closed. Also, there were 6 foot snowdrifts in Elgin, where I used to live. We said "Fuck that" and trooped along.

So, Missouri was awesome. It was beautiful, fairly ice free, and just fine. We eventually hit Kansas on 50 and took it pretty straight to Wichita. Some ice, but not that much. Again, roads were better maintained.

Total drive time: 36-40 hours.

Usual drive time: 20 hours.

So, here's another little story. It's shorter.

My dad bought my grandpa a new computer for Christmas. He wanted Windows 7 but his old computer wouldn't handle it, so he bought him a new one. It's an HP and it's pretty nice.

Anyway, we got it hooked up (I'm on it) and we were trying to get his outlook stuff to work. Well, Outlook 2002 doesn't really work well with Vista and 7 because both of those OS do not have a certain file that older versions of Outlook uses. The result is that it doesn't save passwords, sort of defeating the purpose.

So we're struggling with this shitty shit, not wanting to pay $100+ for the newest outlook and having Windows Live Mail be really fucking wonky and gay. He says something odd. "This should be a crime. Microsoft requires you to pay $100 for e-mail when it used to be free!"

We're like "wat"

So, my dad explains to him that the only reason he ever had Outlook to begin with is because he used an Army version of it with unlimited installs and that, if he hadn't of had that disk, he wouldn't have had Outlook to begin with. So he replies with "So how would I have checked me e-mail if he didn't have it?"

The levels of facepalm I hid, I'm sure you can imagine it.

Circuitous · 12-27-2009, 08:11 AM

My Christmas was pretty dull.

Built a Lego garage with 7-year-olds.

GenghisTron · 12-27-2009, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Circuitous

My Christmas was pretty dull.

Built a Lego garage with 7-year-olds.

Don't hate on Legos

Hawk Eye · 12-27-2009, 08:50 AM

You'll shoot your eye out, etc.

I was just sick. Slept a lot.

KubeDawg · 12-27-2009, 08:51 AM

I popped some muscle relaxers, drank some wine, and ate some turkey. Slept through nearly the whole thing.

Circuitous · 12-27-2009, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenghisTron

Don't hate on Legos

I wasn't hating on Legos. I spent two hours on that shit. It was fun. But it was the only highlight.

GenghisTron · 12-27-2009, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Circuitous

I wasn't hating on Legos. I spent two hours on that shit. It was fun. But it was the only highlight.

I was just messin with ya, but that doesn't sound that bad.

I ate dinner (Xmas Eve) with my Mom's grandparents who aren't very interesting at all, and my Grandma obsessively rants about my Uncles new wife who is a gigantic bitch. In fact, it was so boring I played around with Photo Booth for like 2 hours on my sisters Mac while my sister/mom basically stared at each other and my Grandparents. Let's just say they're not huge conversationalists past asking how we're doing in school.

Then I went to my mom's boyfriends house and basically watched Christmas Story (4? times over) to get away from my sister and her new boyfriend of a day. They're both annoying twats. I couldn't really talk or do anything with my mom or her boyfriend since they were preparing dinner all day.

I really wouldn't mind playing Legos with 7 year olds after my Christmas. That shit can be pretty entertaining, and I was always really good with young kids.

**Elmo** · 12-27-2009, 11:06 AM

I miss xmas spent with lego technic covering my bedroom floor.

I'm so getting it all out again once I've got my work out the way (a degree) - who needs a job when you can be happy playing with lego all day!?

Dr.Satan · 12-29-2009, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Credge

He lost control and slid to the side of the road, taking out a mile marker. We slowed down (note: never hit your fucking brakes on ice you idiots)

I watched some idiot flip his SUV b/c he did just that! Was pretty sweet to see, but he definitely fucked his shit up. I didn't stop though...just called 911 and kept on driving.

My christmas was pretty un-eventful as well though. Just dinner with my family and drinks with my boss afterwards.

Hawk Eye · 12-29-2009, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenghisTron

while my sister/mom

Complicated family tree?

GenghisTron · 12-29-2009, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawk Eye

Complicated family tree?

Lost · 12-29-2009, 04:32 PM

Yar, twas a snowy time here Credge, it would have sucked balls even more had you tried to pass through Tulsa. It was like a zombie apocalypse, without the zombies. And with snow and ice. But dayum, was Wal-Mart hoppin on Sunday when it thawed.

KubeDawg · 12-29-2009, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lost

Yar, twas a snowy time here Credge, it would have sucked balls even more had you tried to pass through Tulsa. It was like a zombie apocalypse, without the zombies. And with snow and ice. But dayum, was Wal-Mart hoppin on Sunday when it thawed.

I was stuck in traffic for 2 hours over the span of 2 miles. Tulsa roads are fucked up cause there are so many hills in town, not to mention the countless people that don't know how to drive properly. I passed 2 dozen(not exaggerating) stranded cars in that span, from 81st & Memorial to 61st and Memorial...

FrenchToast · 01-02-2010, 10:38 PM

Spent the last week in Florida. News years eve on a beach in key west is the way to go, I'm SO sick of snow. Drive home was pretty damn scary sometimes though, complete white outs.

GenghisTron · 01-03-2010, 03:33 AM

Key West is awesome. Did you ever go that pier down there with all the awesome restaurants (I can't remember the name right now) but it's near Hemmingways house. There was all the beggars playing guitars, gypsies, palm readers, magicians, etc., out there. Cool place.

FrenchToast · 01-03-2010, 01:15 PM

Maybe? There was like a boardwalk by all the boats with some sketchy ass pubs and such. Got some great wings, but I felt like I was going to get raped.

And isn't it supposed to be spelled Quay?

Circuitous · 01-03-2010, 06:24 PM

Key West is Key West.

12-27-2009, 06:47 AM	#1
Credge FF Loremaster Beta Tester Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts Rated Helpful 4 Times	A Christmas Story thread. Excuse typos. I'm using an 'ergonomic' keyboard that has the letters all wrapped around like a U but more like this ( but like a U. Also, this is a new computer (part of the story) so there's no spell check on it. Alright, so. I drove through the blizzard. Well, I didn't, my dad did. I shat myself throughout the entire trip and lost 15 years off of my life from stress. We started in Virginia and headed to Arkansas. We left at noon on Christmas Eve. We drove from Virginia to Arkansas before we hit anything slick. We also planned on going through Tulsa. Find a map and look for road names to get an idea. So, we were driving. Suddenly: Ice. We knew conditions were going to be bad, however, forecasters predicted (I use the term lightly) that the southern routes would be clear, as would Tulsa. So, we headed that way instead of the north way. Well, at some point in Arkansas, it got icy. We slowed down to a crawl, mainly because we didn't want to die. As we drove, semi's with awesome traction went racing by. Also, a few dumb drivers who think 4WD will help them with ice. Eventually, a truck pulling a trailer went racing by at about 60. He passed us. As he changed lanes about 10 feet in front of us, he started to go all WARGHAABLE, slipping and sliding. With a trailer. He lost control and slid to the side of the road, taking out a mile marker. We slowed down (note: never hit your fucking brakes on ice you idiots) and stopped. We waited and he eventually got out of the shit. He drove on, and so did we. As we continued down some more, we went over a hill and saw headlights facing us in the distance. We eventually made it to them and saw it was the same driver, same situation. He got out of his truck. By this time we had seen various vehicles off the road in ditches. Nobody was hurt. At some point, before we decided to change highways, we stopped at a rest stop. We slept for a bit and decided to continue on. We wanted to make it to another highway. Note: Arkansas sucks dick and if you live there, I suggest you fucking do something about your state and local governments and their shitty handling of snow and ice conditions. Both Missouri and Kansas had incredibly good roads considering the conditions. Arkansas was just a fucking shit. We went to another rest top and watched a movie (Blazing Saddles) on our brand new DVD movie apparatus. By this time the sun started to come up and the snow/sand machines were out. It was Christmas. To give you an idea of time, we should have been in Wichita, Kansas by then. We were in Arkansas around Ft. Smith. After the movie was over, we decided to continue on. Road conditions were decent!... for about 3 minutes. Then, the ice hit again. As we took a turn, a semi was off the road with a tow truck trying to pull it out... or something, I dunno. Eventually we made it to a place were we could get off of I-40. We got on (I think) 71 and went north. Roads still shitty in Arkansas. We continued to Missouri. So, want to know why Arkansas is a shitty fucking shit? The moment we crossed the Arkansas/Missouri border, the roads were 100% perfect. Hey, fuck you Arkansas. Like a god damned fucking sign that says "Welcome to Missouri" and then the fucking icy roads ending INSTANTLY in a straight line along with the sign aren't a signal of shitty usage of state and local funds, I don't know what is. Fuck. You. Arkansas. Oh, also, the reason we changed plans (we were going to go through Tulsa) is because we found out all the major toll roads in Oklahoma were closed. Also, there were 6 foot snowdrifts in Elgin, where I used to live. We said "Fuck that" and trooped along. So, Missouri was awesome. It was beautiful, fairly ice free, and just fine. We eventually hit Kansas on 50 and took it pretty straight to Wichita. Some ice, but not that much. Again, roads were better maintained. Total drive time: 36-40 hours. Usual drive time: 20 hours. So, here's another little story. It's shorter. My dad bought my grandpa a new computer for Christmas. He wanted Windows 7 but his old computer wouldn't handle it, so he bought him a new one. It's an HP and it's pretty nice. Anyway, we got it hooked up (I'm on it) and we were trying to get his outlook stuff to work. Well, Outlook 2002 doesn't really work well with Vista and 7 because both of those OS do not have a certain file that older versions of Outlook uses. The result is that it doesn't save passwords, sort of defeating the purpose. So we're struggling with this shitty shit, not wanting to pay $100+ for the newest outlook and having Windows Live Mail be really fucking wonky and gay. He says something odd. "This should be a crime. Microsoft requires you to pay $100 for e-mail when it used to be free!" We're like "wat" So, my dad explains to him that the only reason he ever had Outlook to begin with is because he used an Army version of it with unlimited installs and that, if he hadn't of had that disk, he wouldn't have had Outlook to begin with. So he replies with "So how would I have checked me e-mail if he didn't have it?" The levels of facepalm I hid, I'm sure you can imagine it. __________________ "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" Ronald Reagan

12-27-2009, 08:11 AM	#2
Circuitous Useless Retired FF Staff Join Date: Jun 2005 Class/Position: D Soldier, O Scout Gametype: AvD Posts Rated Helpful 9 Times	My Christmas was pretty dull. Built a Lego garage with 7-year-olds. __________________ Look at all those dead links.

12-27-2009, 08:51 AM	#5
KubeDawg Nade Whore Server Owner Beta Tester Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oklahoma Class/Position: Scout/Soldier Gametype: CTF/TDM Affiliations: blunt. Moto Posts Rated Helpful 128 Times	I popped some muscle relaxers, drank some wine, and ate some turkey. Slept through nearly the whole thing. __________________ Moto's Funhouse \| Dallas, TX - 74.91.114.247:27015 ff_plunder - Complete

12-27-2009, 11:06 AM	#8
Elmo Gets tickled by FF Fortress Forever Staff Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: UK Class/Position: Med Solly HW Gametype: Any/CTF Posts Rated Helpful 41 Times	I miss xmas spent with lego technic covering my bedroom floor. I'm so getting it all out again once I've got my work out the way (a degree) - who needs a job when you can be happy playing with lego all day!? __________________ Support FF: Done: ff_monkey Done: ff_bases Done: ff_warpath Forever Doing: ff_medieval (beta#99999999)

12-29-2009, 04:32 PM	#12
Lost Fear teh crowbar. Retired FF Staff Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Oklahoma Gametype: CTF ftw, yeh Posts Rated Helpful 6 Times	Yar, twas a snowy time here Credge, it would have sucked balls even more had you tried to pass through Tulsa. It was like a zombie apocalypse, without the zombies. And with snow and ice. But dayum, was Wal-Mart hoppin on Sunday when it thawed. __________________ Do what you want cuz a pirate is free! You are a pirate!

12-27-2009, 08:50 AM	#4
Hawk Eye Who the fuck is this guy? D&A Member Beta Tester Join Date: Mar 2007 Class/Position: O Preferred Gametype: AvD Affiliations: [AE] Asseaters Posts Rated Helpful 2 Times	You'll shoot your eye out, etc. I was just sick. Slept a lot.

01-02-2010, 10:38 PM	#14
FrenchToast The 1337est D&A Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Omagosh Canada. Posts Rated Helpful 9 Times	Spent the last week in Florida. News years eve on a beach in key west is the way to go, I'm SO sick of snow. Drive home was pretty damn scary sometimes though, complete white outs. __________________ James, while John had had 'had', had had 'had had' ; 'had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

01-03-2010, 03:33 AM	#15
GenghisTron AKA LittleAndroidMan D&A Member Beta Tester Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Dystopia Class/Position: Demo/Medic Gametype: CTF Affiliations: [TALOS] [SR] Posts Rated Helpful 11 Times	Key West is awesome. Did you ever go that pier down there with all the awesome restaurants (I can't remember the name right now) but it's near Hemmingways house. There was all the beggars playing guitars, gypsies, palm readers, magicians, etc., out there. Cool place. __________________ The Catacombs Steam Last.fm

01-03-2010, 01:15 PM	#16
FrenchToast The 1337est D&A Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Omagosh Canada. Posts Rated Helpful 9 Times	Maybe? There was like a boardwalk by all the boats with some sketchy ass pubs and such. Got some great wings, but I felt like I was going to get raped. And isn't it supposed to be spelled Quay? __________________ James, while John had had 'had', had had 'had had' ; 'had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

01-03-2010, 06:24 PM	#17
Circuitous Useless Retired FF Staff Join Date: Jun 2005 Class/Position: D Soldier, O Scout Gametype: AvD Posts Rated Helpful 9 Times	Key West is Key West. __________________ Look at all those dead links.

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