[o_ihmhi]

In case anyone is blind or otherwise impaired, here is the full text of the article. Now you all can quote portions of it and argue about the definition of "is".

Fortress Forever
This is Team Fortress, Too
MOD NEWS | Bringing the team shooter up to date in the Source Engine

Team Fortress might be all over the gaming headlines again now that Valve are finally remaking it, but there's a hard core of fans who had never forgotten (and indeed, never stopped playing) that great team-based, Half-Life-based multiplayer combat game in the first place. Some of those fans have elected to remake the original game in the Source engine, with just a few tricks, tweaks and miniguns of their own devising.

All the original maps will be recreated along with the original game modes of capture-the-flag, escort-the-VIP, territory control and so on. But the levels are being re-imagined, adding layers of backstory and detail to the basic forms of the originals: Dustbowl is an abandoned Western town where the Goldrush has been and gone and left the perfect CTF setting, with smelting factories and a whorehouse. Hunted is a mishmash of factories and open spaces to dominate.

Character classes remain within their classic templates to keep the game's unique hook; you get a choice of Scout, Sniper, Soldier, Demoman, Medic, HWGuy, Pyro, Spy, and Engineer, each with a specific roll to fulfill. It's here that TF's addictive personality takes hold, as you master a character class and use the unique skills to blend into the team. A Spy can take on any of the appearance of the enemy, but is relatively weak from a distance. HWGuy's gun could mow down an elephant hiding behind a hippo, but his slow aiming and maneuvering are a major drag. The classes slot together, creating a well balanced network of support and attack. Anyone looking for something more than just shooting will find Fortress Forever a welcoming and attractive challenge.

Some controversial aspects of the game, such as the manner of gaming via 'bunny-hopping', will be included, but with a certain amount of constraint. It goes to show that the team are versed enough in the game to know what works and what doesn't. They're passionate fans, and keen to deliver a game that will please old-timers but also make it an experience that players newer to the Fortress dynamic will be comfortable with.

Imagine spending years working on a mod that'll give everyone the modern version of the game they want. Now imagine that when you're nearing the end of your development, Valve tell everyone that they're doing the same thing. Most people would throw the towel in right there, but Fortress Forever is looking too strong to be lost to fate. Let's hope this one makes it.

Now if you will excuse me, I will be tearing a few portions of this article a "new one", as it were.

A Spy can take on any of the appearance of the enemy, but is relatively weak from a distance.

Weak at a distance? Well Hell, he can not knife you for sure, but he damn well can spam nades and blast his super shotty. Try and run from a spy who still has grenades in his reserve and see how far you get if you are anything other than Soldier or HWGuy.

HWGuy's gun could mow down an elephant hiding behind a hippo, but his slow aiming and maneuvering are a major drag.

Slow maneuvering I will buy. But slow aiming? Aiming is tied to the mouse sensitivity. I twitch my mouse a little bit and MY HWGuy spins around like Michael Jackson in concert.

The classes slot together, creating a well balanced network of support and attack.

When was the last time you played on a team that was a "well balanced network of support and attack"? Defense is usually the heavier classes and Engi, offense is usually Medic, sometimes Scout, and rarely Spy, Solly, etc. Pyros are almost never used except for those insane people who insist on mastering the class and then torturing us with that. And where does that Sniper fit into this network? He shoots... other snipers, most of the time. Maybe he will pick off incoming defenders. But the only time the sniper defends the flag is when he picks off the poor bastard Scout who is trying to run away with it in the yard. Well balanced my ass. Actually, my ass really is not that well balanced, my left cheek is a little bigger.

Some controversial aspects of the game, such as the manner of gaming via 'bunny-hopping', will be included, but with a certain amount of constraint.

Oh, so BHOP does not have constraint now? Perhaps this individual has done his research back to TFC's early days of uncapped BHOP. Or maybe this is just another turd in the giant flow of diarrhea flowing from his fingers and into his computer (probably a P.O.S. Dell).

...and keen to deliver a game that will please old-timers...

Little do you know it, but there will be a built-in swear filter to appease the demands of [O-T].*

Caption, Top-Left Picture
The Pyro is ideal as a defensive unit. Filling a corridor with great jets of flames is the best way to keep people from getting that flag.

The Pyro ideal as a defensive unit? The last I remember a Pyro on defense, he ran around in the Ramp Room in 2fort trying to set people on fire and getting owned. Fill a corridor with "great jets of flames"? Yeah, see how well that works out when a nade gets tossed through the flames and you get blown to kibbles and shits. And of all the things to leak out of this guy's ass and end up on the keyboard, this is the "best way to keep people from getting that flag"? Funny, I thought the best way was a layered defense with medium-to-heavy classes running a coordinated defense. Or, ya know, just filling up the FR with SGs and pipe-trapping the shit out of the flag.

Caption, Bottom-Left Picture
But then there's the Heavy Weapon dude. OK, so he might need to spool up the gun, but once he get's going, he's lethal.

Yeah, except a good lot of HWGuy players continually spin the gun to reduce the spool up time. And of course he neglects to mention how practically useless the AC is after 20 or so meters of distance. Hey, I know! I can make two sentences less retarded with one simple move:

But then there's the Heavy Weapon dude. OK, so he might need to spool up the gun, but once he get's going, he's lethal but relatively weak from a distance.

My brain hurts less already!

Caption, Right Picture
These levels will look familiar to anyone who has spent some time in Team Fortress.

Really now? We have Hunted in the picture to the right, Well in the picture to the bottom left, and I honestly do not know what the top-left one is. Shutdown? Iunno, I have not played that great a variety of maps to memorize every little corner of them.

But look at the picture, out of all of them, he decides to put the caption "these levels will look familiar" on: Hunted? You go into a pub and ask people what Hunted is, and a lot of these people have no idea what the Hell that is. They think it has something to do with Turok and they probably will not shut up about how awesome that game is. Maybe he should have included a picture of a map with that caption that a lot of people actually know, like say, rock2? Maybe Well?

...doesn't... ...they're... ...let's...

I see someone slept through the part of his creative writing class where they learned that using contractions in formal writing is unacceptable. And this person is supposedly a professional writer?

And a great job he did on his research, too. I bet it took him a whole hour.





* j/k. I love [O-T]. Well... except for that guy who left to start oldgeezersandbroads.