Like many others, my obsession with FPS games started with the superb N64 game, Goldeneye. I had wanted a computer my whole life, but my parents were too poor to get one for me. When I turned 18, I was able to get a loan from MNBA to get a Gateway system. I had recently read a magazine that had an article about Half-Life. At the time, my favorite genre was RPG's, specifically Squaresoft's FF series, but that would soon change. Unlike some of the TFC community, I actually bought Half-Life with no prior knowledge of the online aspects of it. I played and was flabbergasted at how incredible the single player game was. It was so immersive and obviously playtested that I didn't want it to end.
In November of 1999, I discovered Half-Life's online components, specifically HLDM (which I didn't play much), and Team Fortress Classic. I was so excited that you could play a game with 31 other people at the same time (at the time I had no concept of team play, lag, and other things I would learn later) and it sent chills down my spine. I had been playing video games since I was 5 years old and had always wanted to compete against other great players (I generally only had my family or friends to play against). Almost overnight, I became obsessed and that obsession didn't end until September 10th, 2003, when I officially retired the clan I had put my whole life into.
This is what I posted regarding my clan, the Gods of War on that sad day:
Quote:
When I set out to create a clan in 1999 I never expected or dreamed I would carry this on for so long. What this clan has meant to me has altered and changed over the years, but throughout it all I wanted to impact TFC to some degree. Since I was a kid I always wanted to play the hero in every situation. The clan was built upon my own personal integrity, honor, and belief systems and most of the past members can attest to that. That was my overall goal in the beginning, although I did not realize exactly what I was trying to do. I wanted to create a clan that people looked forward to playing. I wanted to create the clan that most people respected because of their integrity, not because of how many wins they had. From the very beginning, I never put a large emphasize on winning because it simply was not that important to me. Those who know me in real life know how reserved I can be. This carries over into all aspects of my life, and in regards to TFC, it means winning isn’t very high on my totem pole. Although, it is ironic that this is true, yet I am fascinated by the statistics that are calculated every week at the KSE. For most people that read the numbers there, they are simply a bunch of meaningless data compiled. However, I feel that the memories and impact clans have had on TFC transcend those numbers and still influence some of us today.
Yet, leading a clan has been one of the most rewarding, lasting, and mentally exhausting experiences I’ve had in this lifetime. The good friends I’ve made really do go past the boundaries of the internet. The in’s and out’s of leading will stick with me for a very long time to come. However, the downside of leading a clan is all of the negative energy you will get. It’s almost been four years since the clan started and we’ve been whored by a small percentage of the community. We’ve had a handful of folks who hate us and everything we stand for. I’ve been the subject of personal scrutiny for many years now and have been given very little slack. Although all of these things at one time bothered me, they simply slide off my mind they moment they come up these days. I cared about TFC a great deal a year ago, and my love for it was outrageous the previous two before it. I will admit that playing this game still gives me some level of pleasure still, but I feel as if it’s just because it’s comfortable.
These days my life is very stable. I have a well paying job that I actually enjoy for the most part. I am doing well in school, and like work, am enjoying it for the first time in a very long time. I am ready physiologically and emotionally to give this addiction up so that I may focus most of my time to school and work. I truly feel that to lead a clan that will last so long, one must give everything or nothing at all. I know that I gave my clan everything and I hope that anyone in the clan these past four years can tell you that too. The strain of leadership and the ideal of not caring about TFC like I used to is really the reason behind closing shop. Most of my long time members are of similar feelings. It is highly plausible that if I desired to, I could lead the clan for another three years into whatever game TFC becomes in the next few years. For the first time in four years, I feel that I must delete this priority from my life and replace it with something that will impact my future in a positive manner. Namely my studies will become my life. Whether or not I continue to play TFC in any other aspect will depend on many different things which those who know me well know of. It has been a very long and rewarding road, but I have grown weary of leading and I don’t feel comfortable handing my clan over to anyone else. I do have certain personal regrets, but leading the clan is not among them. It has been a unique experience that will last a lifetime. (...)
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The above was the reason behind my leaving TFC, even though I did go on to join a few of my most respected teams, /tmp/ and AGT. In 2004, I played TFC a total of five or six times.
My own personal retirement post with thank you's and what not is here:
http://www.thecatacombs.net/forums/s...threadid=39423
I am very excited about Fortress Forever, because for the first time it will bring Europe and the United States together under one great roof. I can not say that I will ever lead a clan again, since my girlfriend, my dogs, my job, and school keep me constantly busy. I have begun mapping, something I had always wanted to do, so hopefully I will be able to contribute to FF in that arena.